i found this open letter online and i haven't stopped
laughing since i read it. Its full of facts though even
though its told in a funny way. Read below...
On January 1st 2012, GEJ Government took Nigerians
by surprise on New year's day with their fuel subsidy
wahala.
Little did we know you guys were jealous of the
attention we gave them.
January 1st 2013, we all celebrated the new year
expecting another surprise from our president before
the end of the day but alas, nothing happened.
January 4th 2014, I offered a recharge card vendor a
200 naira note in exchange for 200 naira worth of MTN
airtime but she returned the money to me saying I'll
need to balance her extra N20 naira.
I walked up to another vendor and met same fate. On
further investigations, I found out that you, MTN had
topped an extra 10 naira to your 100, 200 and 400
airtime packages.
Literally, the cost of fuckery (pardon my bad language)
has increased by ten naira. We have been told by MTN
that the cost of those tools they have been using in
torturing has risen and as such, we should pay an
extra ten naira to make up for this.
I am tempted to ask, why the sudden price increment?
To rid off some customers?
To offer us good service?
Or is MTN broke?
Oh broke? my bad!
Are they not the ones that gave out an invisible
aeroplane to an eighteen year old female subscriber a
year ago thereby converting her from a student to a
pilot?
Are they not the ones that usually give two million
naira to a lucky subscriber daily IF AND ONLY IF he/
she will text WIN NOW to 33314?
Are they not the ones that gave CHRISTY a toyota
camry because she texted YES to 7070?
Are they not the ones that gave OGECHI a honda four
weeks ago because she texted WIN NOW to 5014?
What of the N100 that was deducted from my sim and
that of other innocent subscribers after MTN informed
me via sms that Nigeria's flag is green, white, green?
Are they not the ones that offered us N400 airtime
(though their terrible network didn't let us utilise the
airtime till they took it back from us two days after)
free of
Charge because we updated our SIM regstratn details?
Oh God, I could go on and on.
Of course I have every right to rant. Didn't I mention
some weeks back I am in a serious relationship with
MTN.
Don't even tell me about abusive relationships. I have
had my fair share with MTN.
I subscribed for a data plan last week and MTN had the
guts to bind and destroy my network till my data
expired.
Last year, I was walked out of an exam hall by the
supervisor because my phone rang!
One missed call from 180!
The painful part of everything is, its difficult to leave
them!
Those yellow guys have hypnotised me.
I can't count the number of times I've gone to a mobile
shop to get another line but walked out after thirty
minutes with another MTN sim.
I have it all. The 0803, the 0806 and the 0813
numbers. Three phones, three MTN lines, silently
praying, hoping, and wishing one day everything's
gonna be alright.
Oh! Didn't I say that in 2007?
Its been eight long years of endurance, patience and
tolerance.
MTN were the first to send me a New Year SMS but
not without taking my ten naira with them. I paid for
spam!
MTN had me googling if I mistakenly killed the Late
Nelson Mandela.( My number had not rested because I
have refused to subscribe for Mandela's callertunez)
I wake up every morning with a goodmorning sms from
MTN N informing me of my chance to win N1m before
the day is over.
I go to bed every night but not without my goodnight
sms from MTN N informing me I may not have been
lucky today but tomorrow is another day.
The days I expect a credit alert on my phone are the
days the oga behind the 4100 sms falls in love with my
number.
I receive an sms on a weekly basis informing me of the
current cost of dettol.
WTF!!!
Even dettol no longer cares! Why should I?
I engage in frivolous conversations and the next thing I
get is an sms from MTN telling me to subscribe to
33114 to receive tips on how to get a job.
I think of marriage and the next thing is an sms telling
me to subscribe..
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